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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

"Thank God it's not my vomit": A half-marathon PR

Thanks to our sister Frankie for this guest post:

Pre run: Rational Running Frankie (RRF): Goal 1:40, so 7:47 splits, I can do this, that's only taking 4 min off my PR. Just go out slow, don't kill yourself the first 4 miles. Weather is perfect, no rain. It will be a great day.
Irrational Running Frankie (IRF): OMG, it's so cold, 1:40, what am I thinking. I can't do that, it is way too fast. My planter facistic hurts, I didn't poop that much, I gained 4 lbs, so that's an extra 20 lbs on impact on my joints at each step, no way I can do 1:40. What was I thinking, why did I tell people my goal? So stupid, stupid, stupid.
"RS" (annoying girl that I teach at bootcamp, who also weights as much as me without my legs and arms) told me before the start, "So I'm going to run with you, because I want to do it in 1:40". I say ok, but think I'm going to make sure your scrawny little butt isn't in front of me at the finish line.

Mile 1: 7:30 split: IRF: Oh crap, that is way too fast. I need to slow down. I can't do this the whole way. What am I thinking?
RRF: Ok so little quick but that's ok. You feel good, You got your grove, and you can do this. Just take your time. Channel Lilly, not Walker or Daryl.
"RS" - She asked what the split is, I say "7:30, too quick, I need to step it back a notch". RS says "Well it feels like we are crawling". I think to myself, go ahead, have a killer 10K time, double dog dare ya.

Mile 2: IRF: Oh crap, way to fast, think Lilly, think Lilly.
RRF: Feel good, weather is great. Hey, there is awesome sister Star, I bet she thinks I look fast.
Where is RS? Oh, there she is, right behind me following my every footsteps.

Mile 3: IRF: Oh crap, I'm going too fast. My legs are going to kill by mile 10. What am I doing?
RRF: Man I love Sheridan BLVD, beautiful homes, wonderful people out cheering everyone on. Oh look, there's Lori, the nurse that poked me in the butt with a steroid shot 2 days ago, cheering me on. I yell at her "man I feel great".
Where is RS? I have no idea and really don't care. I know she is not in front of me, so that's all that matters.
Mile 4: IRF: Going way too fast. Need to slow down. I really have pee. Really, really have to pee. My hands are still cold, crap why didn't I grab gloves.
RRF: DOWNHILL. Relax, run your run, have fun, let your legs carry you, feel GOOD. Oh well, if you pee yourself that is why you have black shorts, no one will know.

Mile 5: IRF: Crap crap crap, I'm hot. I need to get rid of my long sleeve shirt and didn't expect STAR and BOO so soon, and opposite side of the street. Man I hope I don't mess up my Farming and iPod taking off this shirt. Crap crap crap.
RRF: Good job Frankie, you got your long sleeve shirt off, got it to boo, and you are good. Enjoy the weather. You are good, 10 K right around the corner, you got this.

Mile 6: IRF: This bike trail better not be packed or I'm going to run in the wet grass, then that might aggravate my planter fascictic or I'm throwing punches. 46 min 10K HOLY HELL, PR ON 10K, WAY TOO FAST.
RRF: Ok bike trail, just hunker down and it will go fast. Just watch the trucks on Hwy 2. No problem you got your stride, 46 min 10K - awesome and I feel good.

Mile 7: IRF and RRF: Where did mile 7 go?

Mile 8: IRF: Shot Blocks, ok now I need water. Crap, where is the water? Yes, I need water. Oh hell, if I hold these then they will get warm and taste like warm flavored snot. How do I hold them without getting them warm?....Water, I need water.
RRF: Yes, I got my Shot Blocks, water stop and more energy. Man, I'm so lucky to have such great sisters, husband and Dang my kids are ADORABLE, cutest kids that I've seen on the course by far.

Mile 9: IRF: WHAT NO BEER STOP?!?! Oh hell, stupid, stupid, stupid.
RRF: No beer, that's good, I don't need beer in this temple. hey, there's Staci cheering on the runners, probably because she didn't want to get beat by me AGAIN.

Mile 10: IRF: This is so stupid. Who runs this fast? I quit. My left quad kinda hurts. I knew I went out too fast, what the hell was I thinking? That hill sucked, so tired, want to walk, so tired.
RRF: Ok, big hill done, left hip flex is feeling the strain, but nothing bad. I can so run through this, only a 5K to go. So easy, keep up the pase. I can do this, almost done.

Mile 11: IRF: OMG MY LEFT LEG HURTS, MY QUAD MUSCLE IS GOING TO POP ANY MINUTE, MY HIP FLEXOR WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. Maybe I'm compensating for my planter fascitis and messing up my hip crap crap crap.
RRF: Ok, so little sore on the left quad, no biggie, will rest my cold beer on it tonight and call it "ice", Beer, that sounds good, I haven't had 1 for two weeks. I haven't gone that long without a beer since I was that is misery, this is just a little soreness.

Mile 12: IRF: I WANT TO WALK, MY HIP FLEXOR HURTS. I knew I shouldn't have gone out that fast. I have more then 1 mile, stupid RRF said only 1 mile and it's 1.1 miles. She is STUPID.
RRF: Only 1 more mile, you can do this! And guess what, you foot doesn't hurt. I wish IRC wouldn't be so loud.

Mile 13: IRF: That's it, I'm walking. This is so stupid. HATE IT, kick WHAT F#&%ing KICK? I don't have a kick, I did that on mile 1 when I went out too fast, stupid.
RRF: .1 miles, sweet, oh look there is the other instructors from bootcamp yelling at me...hells ya, I just found my kick. Man I love turf fields. Wow, that TV screen in big.

Mile 13.1: Ouchie, so want to sit down but this big National Guard guy is holding me, there is a lot of vomit on this turf....thank god it's not mine. Big National Guard guy is still holding my up, I told him I just want to lay down, but not in the barf.

Wait, 1:38, that is called smoking it!!!! Where's the beer?


  1. Yes, Frankie, you did make that half marthon your b****. And you did look really fast at mile 2. If I'd have blinked I'd have missed you.

  2. Hey thanks! Kudo's to Lincoln NE for hosting one of the best 1/2 marathons EVER.

  3. Nice job Frankie - I knew you'd kick ass and you did.
    Now that you're so damn fast I suppose you want a Duck & Dumpling rematch?

  4. You are fast. And funny. You are officially a new blogger for this post! Surprise!!