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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It's Amazing...

Guess what! It's NBA regular season!!! yippee. Our house is very excited, each for different reasons. But you ask, didn't the season just end? well, yes it did but taking the format from pro tennis, 2 weeks off is all you need. I've put together a cheat sheet for all you non-NBA watchers (I don't know who that could be...*crickets*)
Eastern Conference
Shaq & LeBron have teamed up, which is awesome, until its not and Shaq sits on "Boobie" Gibson and squishes him, demands more touches and makes Coach Mike Brown cry. The Shaq experiment will cause Cleveland proper to curl up into the fetal position sucking it's collective thumb, desperately trying to convince itself that Cleveland is a way better place than New York. Here's all I have to say...Good Luck with that.
The Celtics will continue to cause non-Celtic fans to hate them even more (possible? yes!), while raising the dialogue of the game by putting Rasheed out on the floor with KG. Bring lots of earmuffs for the kiddies in the first 10 rows, or there'll be some word learn' going on.
The Orlando Magic - Dwight Howard's back, I guess he has teammates, don't know this never seen them. We know he has shoulders.
Other eastern team are mostly lousy, with a side of inept offense. (except for NY Knicks they'll be a different kind of lousy)
Western Conference
The Yankees/Lakers added two sides of crazy in the offseason, 1. Ron Artest 2 . Khloe Kardashian (married Lamar Odem, she's not actually playing-but that would be good news for the rest of the league). This will cause Kobe to wrestle the spotlight back by taking 20+ attempts a night and getting Phil Jackson's name tattooed on his neck. Luke Walton will continued wear way to much mascara, and his father will continue to drive me crazy. Sasha cut his hair, in theory this should make him less annoying, but I doubt it.
The San Antonio Spurs added Richard Jefferson, which is downright scary. Especially once he gets the chip implanted so he can sync with Timmy D. Read this here - picking them to win it all (unless Timmy needs a new part or Manu isn't Manu or Pepe Le Pew is distracted by his wife, or Pop goes to live on a deserted island)
Dallas added Shawn "The Matrix" Marion (former Sun, traded for Shaq) and I can't really think about that. Too sad. Even though Shawn is a unhappy human with a chip on his shoulder, I still wish he was on the Suns. And Dirk's hair is very german cyclist, put a helmet on that!
Denver still has Chauncy Billiups, who made a believer out of me during the playoffs. They continue to have the most tattoos per square inch of skin in the league.
Portland is young, except for Greg Oden who's 53.
Your Phoenix Suns will attempt to turn back the clock, going back to run & gun, replenishing the fountain of youth for Nash & Grant Hill, while turning the clock forward on the youngsters on the team and Amare's defensive development. Impossible? probably. But we have Steve Nash. Time and space constraints don't apply to him and whatnot.
New starting center, and Phoenix native, Channing Frye is set to have a breakout season, probably because he spent the last couple riding the pine in Portland, is it a problem that our starting center wasn't good enough to play much? no silly! just means he's rested up. Besides he likes sushi, so we like him. Channing and Amare will attempt to rebound, never heard of it? neither have they. So that might be a problem. (side note: truly expecting Theo's first words to be "Amare REBOUND dammit!")
Enjoy the next 8 months of basketball!!!


  1. Loved the post. Very comprehensive. Almost makes me want to pay attention to the NBA. Well, almost. I'll start checking in during the 3 month playoff season.

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  3. Wow, so is the "NBA" a new sport...maybe from Europe? I might have to look into this, it sounds exciting. If nothing else Lil, you'll keep us updated.